Okay ladies, it’s time to get real about the porn we’re just not watching.
For decades, really even centuries, it has been less than acceptable for women to genuinely discuss their own erotic predilections. Even now, in 2020- there are women in the world who are criminalized for exploring or flaunting their own particular brand of sexuality. Adult toys and products have historically been a bit of a boys club, with few good options and female-focused products up until the last 10 years.
Even though barriers to feminine eroticism are being routinely broken down in the present times- why are we still seemingly unable to talk about porn for women? “It’s probably because there are few places that offer pornographic content that really fit a women’s lens of desire.” Says a representative for Porndoe, a site focused on providing erotica for all with a dedicated female-centric category.
So what exactly is “porn for women” and why has it taken us so long to openly demand it?
The World of Female Sensuality
In 2016, the megastar of the 80’s and 90’s, Susan Sarandon told the world that she wanted to direct female-friendly pornography, famously quipping that “most pornography is brutal and doesn’t look pleasurable from a female point of view.” The backlash from the Twittersphere was just as devastating as it usually is when a boomer lets their ignorance slip in such an obvious way- pelting the actor-come-director with all sorts of information regarding the “alt-porn” that already exists.
Feminist porn, queer porn, lesbian and cheer porn…. the list was near expansive enough to wind up sounding like a severely misguided Dr.Seuss book. Perhaps the most telling bit was that the thread, while filled with voices from all over the globe, still didn’t stop a lot of people from being surprised that these types of erotic imagery exist. So what is it exactly that makes porn for women different from that of your everyday mainstream male eroticism? Psychology seems to think it is your brain.
While fetishism and eroticism are absolutely a spectrum of lustful desires, and it’s roughly impossible to distill them down to a simple men vs. women category, sexual minds really do differ greatly between the two. “They’re as different as night and day,” says sex therapist, Stephen Snyder MD in his psychology today article devoted to the subject.
Basic Differences
In a nutshell, the good doctor talks about how-essentially- men’s brains tend to focus and prioritize physical attributes and body parts for erotic stimulation, where women’s brains seem to want more context-based sexuality. Meaning that porn for women not only looks different, but requires a completely different paradigm. While at the same time, addressing that there is no exact male or female representation of eroticism, but more of a “mosaic” of both. A term used by Snyder and others to represent that brains often combine sensually appealing patterns of both male and female.
But this doesn’t really begin to address the fact that a large majority of women have little erotic interest in traditional pornography. In 2018 The Journal of Sex Research produced a study, reviewing Women’s experience of pornography, which lead to some pretty illuminating discoveries. The paper revealed that women were much more empathetic consumers of pornography- paying closer attention to the facial expressions and potential feelings of the actors. Which, if you’ve ever watched conventional pornography may help you understand why the actors could be difficult to relate to. Wooden faces and oftentimes uncomfortable scenarios and positions leave much to be desired for a typical female brain.
What Mainstream Porn Keeps Missing
When it comes to porn for women, there is definitely a gap to be filled. No pun intended. Not only for better quality storylines and more genuine actors but for normalizing the entire experience. One of the biggest takeaways of the 2018 paper suggests that a large problem for most women when consuming pornography isn’t what’s being watched, but how they feel about watching it, from an ethical perspective.
As many women involved in the study reported that watching porn was arousing, but they felt conflicted as to whether it was socially appropriate for them. Making it cringeworthy and really difficult to even discuss, or sexually categorize. What porn for women and sites like Porndoe really hope to achieve is a healthier and more open public discourse among women about their porn preferences. So that it doesn’t take a well-known celebrity’s Twitter fail to find the porn that works for them.
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