The science is there, and consensus has been reached: we love dirty talk, whether or not we know how to do it right.
Just as all of us have that special little spot… that nook where the back of your ear meets the nape of your neck. The extra soft skin, just on the inside of your arm. Chests, stomachs, backs, and of course, most areas below the belt. These places, that when swept with some carefully placed fingertips, brushed with eager lips, or otherwise stimulated, something in us lights up. Sensuality flares and we’re suddenly ready for much, much more. These ‘erogenous’ zones, as science refers to them, are just areas throughout the body that house a heightened sensitivity, and when they’re poked, plucked, or prodded— elicit a delightful response. Arousing much more than just our senses.
Recently, science has discovered that of the myriad of these super sensitive zones that are found throughout our bodies, we can also find one in our brain. While it’s unlikely, and decidedly not sexy, that our partners will begin petting our brain matter any time soon, it turns out that these naughty little cerebral nooks can be stimulated with some well-played dirty talk. While researches figured out that these zones exist by sending electric jolts to the specific areas, they also discovered that there’s a far less invasive way to stimulate these zones, mobile phone sex and the pros that are behind some of the best dirty talk skills known to man, just might help you become a bit more electrifying yourself.
The Mentalists of Mobile Phone Sex
To really figure out what it is about dirty talk that gets our brain pumping, an online poll asked respondents all over the US and Europe to answer a few questions about how they feel talking sexually with their partner. What the poll showed was that it’s definitely a tightrope, get it wrong, and you could get shut down mid boogy. As 1 in 5 respondents said that they’ve put on the brakes mid-session all because of some poorly played verbal parlay. However, nearly 90% of everyone who responded said that if their partner got it right— it was rockets.
So how exactly do you get it right? And what about our brain chemistry and underlying biology finds dirty talk so appealing in the first place? Well, we talked to one of the Queens of dirty talk— Sasha*. An operator for 121Girls, a mobile phone sex and sexting company to find out how to do the dirty talk right.
Why We Love it
But before we dive into the nuts and bolts of how to say it right, we will be looking at the internal mechanisms that make it all possible in the first place: most notably? Our limbic system. If you imagine your brain as a luscious chocolate truffle, the limbic system would be the delicate filling, while the cortex would be the outer shell. The limbic system is responsible for a whole bunch of things that happen within our body, from how our sense of smell works, to where memories are stored and how our emotions and behaviours are created.
This area, more specifically the hypothalamus, has quite a big job when it comes to our libidos and sexual stimulation and response. It plays a role in mitigating testosterone— a hormone most predominantly associated with those packing a set of the family jewels, but one that is also present in our vulva bearing brethren. It just so happens that guys have a differently shaped, and often larger, hypothalamus, which means more testosterone, and a large mental erogenous zone. Making them even more appreciative of dirty talk. Bonus? In either sex, this area is usually pretty lit up when it comes to processing sexual information, whether that stimulation is gained from touch, or just hearing your partner say all the right things.
How to Talk Dirty
When it comes to getting those areas of our brain to set fire to our desire, there are a number of things we can say that will fan the flames. While these auditory attractions differ between people and partners, there are some definitely takeaways that will ensure you can do the mental tango with just about anyone. To get the list of go to moves and verbal clues that work best, Sasha, our favourite sex phone operator, broke down the commandments of dirty talk.
● Be open to new ideas and wild fantasies— even if you don’t plan on acting on them. Sometimes just saying them is enough to really rock their world.
● Actively listen. Show your partner that you’re enjoying these naughty admissions just as much as they are.
● Respond based on what your partner is saying, not necessarily what you’re thinking.
● Pay close attention to how they feel, and how you feel at the same time. This mutual appreciation can actually help increase satisfaction and orgasm.
And finally? Sasha leaves us with a nugget of wisdom that is so undeniable, it warranted its very own paragraph. And what exactly is this gem?
“Don’t be afraid to be open with your partner. If you feel weird or awkward, chances are you’re not comfortable with the circumstances, which means you may need to do some talking outside of the bedroom first. But as you really open up to your partner and improve those lines of verbal intimacy, your dirty talk skills (and satisfaction) will flourish.”
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